Let me start with a formal complaint: Iโm furious with ECCO Soft 7. Why? Because theyโveย completely destroyedย my ability to hate shoes. Gone are the days of melodramatically limping home, cursing my “fashion-forward” footwear choices. Now, I justโฆ float? Like some sort of smug, well-cushioned cloud person. Is thisโฆ joy?ย Unacceptable.
For context, I bought these fromย 121 Shoesย (a dangerous establishment, by the wayโtheyย knewย what they were doing). The Soft 7 looked innocent enough: sleek, unassuming, Scandinavian. “Practical,” I thought, “like something a sensible Danish aunt would wear while cycling to a pottery class.” Little did I know, they were a Trojan horse of comfort.
First grievance:ย Theyโreย too comfortable. Seriously, ECCO, whatโs the game here? The “soft” in Soft 7 isnโt a suggestionโitโs a full-on lie-down-on-a-mattress-made-of-angel-feathers experience. The cushioning is so absurd, Iโve started taking unnecessarily long routes just to prolong the walk. My Fitbit is baffled. My dog is exhausted. My previous “stylish” shoes now gather dust, whisperingย traitorย every time I grab the Soft 7s.
Second offence: The durability. These things refuse to die. Iโve worn them through rain, questionable pub floors, and one ill-advised attempt at “jogging.” They still look like theyโve just been unboxed. ECCOโs secret must involve witchcraft or Nordic elven magic. Either way, itโs deeply inconsiderate. How am I meant to justify buying more shoes when these wonโt even scuff? (Note to self: Complain to 121 Shoes about their “long-lasting products.”)
And then thereโs the design. Ugh. The Soft 7s are too versatile. They pair with jeans, dresses, pyjamas (donโt ask). Theyโve made me that person who says things like, โI donโt need heelsโI have supportive arches.โ My podiatrist high-fived me. My inner fashionista is in crisis.
Letโs talk about the “barefoot feel” ECCO brags about. Lies. Itโs not like being barefootโitโs like being barefoot on a yacht. Thereโs bounce. Thereโs springiness. Thereโs a disturbing lack of suffering. Walking in these is so pleasant, Iโve started running errands voluntarily. My partner suspects Iโve been replaced by a Stepford Wife.
But the real villain here is 121 Shoes. Their staff encouraged this chaos. When I asked, โAre these shoes too comfortable?โ they just smiled knowingly and took my money. Now, Iโm stuck in a loop of contentment, ambling around with the zeal of a labrador on a park stroll.
In conclusion, the ECCO Soft 7s are a menace. Theyโve robbed me of relatable shoe grievances, forced me into premature maturity, and worst of allโtheyโre worth every penny. If you fancy “ruining” your life with disgraceful levels of comfort, visitย 121 Shoesย immediately. Just donโt say I didnโt warn you.
This article was written by someone who now owns three pairs of Soft 7s and has zero regrets (but many grudging compliments).
